A few days ago, I came across this piece of news:

18 year-old leaped to her death this morning at Ang Mo Kio Ave 3. Allegedly heartbroken from a relationship that didn't work out, she decided there's nothing worth living for. It's painful to leave this world with regrets, more so, with a broken heart.


It seems like committing suicide is not surprising anymore or should I say “a norm” in our modern society. Everyone seems to forget to live or forget how to live in this stressful and demanding environment.
What caught my attention was not because I know that girl or the fact that she passed away in my neighbourhood, but I feel that I could somehow relate to her doings. Truth is we are not her and we won't know the real truth behind her passing away, and who are we to even judge her doings and sympathize her and her close ones?


Who has not been broken hearted before? Who has not had failed relationships? Who has not have things worked out on them before? Who has not gives up all their love to realise it became nothing in the end? Who has not felt so horrible that they wanted to give up everything too and think that maybe nothing is worth living for? Who has not had regrets?


I believe everyone would have gone through some of these at some point of their lives. To tell you the truth, I was once feeling like that and here is my story







The 4 years in high school is the best and also the worst feelings of my life.

I was in a state of euphoria initially, from knowing a whole new bunch of girl friends to forming our own little clique gossiping about people in school and not forgetting the attentions you get from the boys! It was then that I got to know my first boyfriend and all the other guys that eventually became my ex, to learnt all about this thing called love, and to slowly begin to learn how to love someone back, to experience the butterflies in your tummy when you are near the person you loved, have my first kiss in a different way from what I had always dreamed of, to experience physical intimacy with the opposite sex, to actually believed that love is more important than anything else, and to start lying to my parents when I go on dates and of all, to be defiance towards them just for the sake of my love. It was also then that I got abused, backstabbed, betrayed, left broken hearted and left hanging there on a thin line, so many times that I felt so frustrated, so hopeless, so disappointed and lost and wondered where all my true friends have gone to.

Suddenly I realise I was struggling to survive in this cruel reality with my naïve and gullible thoughts. Falling in love is easy, but no one has ever taught you the lessons in building a relationship and mending your own broken heart after! Soon I was drowning in my boyfriend so-
called love.

I began to lose myself my own identify and slowly I became more and more terrified of his love for me. There was no one to help me and so many times I wished I could have told my parents but I know that was just asking for a bashing. I was at my wits end basically at that point of time trying to find a way to break free. And so many times I have actually thought about ending my life because, well it seems to be the only way possible to break free from these pain. It was so painful that I even tried to cut my wrist to realise that the physical pain I get is nothing compared to the pain I get in my heart. There was so many times that I went up to the highest level of the flat and almost wanted to leap out when the argument never stopped. But I guess I never found the courage to do that. Thankfully, that all came to an end eventually.

I remain sceptical towards love until I was dumped in a relationship. The fact was I didn’t tried hard enough during the relationship and when I realised that the boat had walked away from me, I tried all my very best to save it only to realised that it was all too late now. I became such a wreck. I was doing everything I could and even till a point that I realised that I was annoying him more than anything else. But the thought of us breaking up was just too much for me to handle. I began to live in a daze, skip meals and tears would just roll down my face like I have no control over them.

It was then that I slowly began to walk out of the shadow and learnt to face my mistakes and start a new life. And here I am now giving myself a pat on a shoulder for not giving up on myself. Those were painful memories but if not for them, I would not have become who I am now.





I believe there are always ups and downs in life.
Just hold on tight enough and soon you will see your kind of rainbow! Nothing can wake a dead up now, but I guess we can always learnt from her story. Thanks you for making me realise how vulnerable one is and how short life is for some.

♥ 11:03 PM